In a town where the closest you usually get to air conditioning is a ceiling fan, exploring Bhuj in the midday summer heat can be exhausting. So. we decided to do like the Indians do -- and head to the movie theater. I had never seen Bollywood before, so I honestly had little idea of what to expect save for a couple of stereotypes and what I had gleaned from my Intellectual Property professor's pop culture references. However, I knew the movie would be great when it began with a thank you to California Governor Arnold Schwarzenegger, and a hip hop song all about California. I cheered as I saw clips flash of the 405 near UCLA, In-n-Out, and Santa Monica, and nudged my friend as I saw an Indian actress drinking a Jamba Juice.
It goes without saying that the acting was not very good, and that the story line was insane. Though most of the movie was in Hindi, Im pretty sure I figured it all out. A guy and girl get married, but their respective best friends do not want them to tie the knot (made clear through a west side story style dance off between the men and women, resulting in a cake to the face for the bride). Also, during the wedding a guy drinks a vial (umm, what?) of Viagra and starts seeing every woman in their panties (obviously...), and gets slapped by quite a few of them. Along the way, this three hour extravaganza features the female best friend performing surgery on the male best friend, but leaving part of her jewelry inside of him, and then the two of them fall in love, fall out of love, and then finally fall in love again when she shows up at the last minute as the guy is about to marry Denise Richards (again, what?!).
But, as great as all of this obviously sounds, the show was definitely stolen by none other than Sly Stallone himself. At the Stunt Man awards (which of course were attended by cut away shots of Jack Nickleson, and Tom Cruise) the guest presenter of an award to the male best friend is done by surprise guest Sylvester Stallone. The speech he delivers can only be described as confusing, stilted, and completely awesome. As if that weren't enough, as the future bride is rushing to interrupt the wedding of the man and Denise Richards (yes, the real one, who inexplicably took the role which would be below her even if it were an American film), the characters end up in what we can assume is South Central LA. As a car jacking is about to take place, who happens to be on the streets in a sweatshirt, but Sylvester Stallone! He regulates, and even rips a parking meter from the ground and hits the would be felons with it.
I'm still not really sure how he ended up in the film (nor am I sure he even knows that he, himself, is in a Bollywood film), but it made an already crazy film even better. It also convinced me that if policy school doesn't pan out, I could totally be a Bollywood film writer. I have all kinds of ridiculous ideas for stories that don't make any sense logically or thematically -- which is perfect for a Bollywood film. I just have to find someone that can choreograph dance numbers (my favorite in this film was a dance chase through Venice, Italy where percussion is performed on trash cans carried with them).
As if the movie itself weren't entertaining enough, there's also the crowd, which, like my school in India, is 99% male (despite the story being more like what we would call a chick flick in the US). Not only do they constantly talk throughout the film, when a woman comes on that they like, cat calls echo throughout the theater as if she were actually there.
In all, I couldn't have asked for a better introduction to Bollywood films. I got action, suspense, romance, girls in their underwear, and, just when it couldn't get any better: Sylvester Stallone! Films-- nay, cinematic achievements-- don't get much better than that.
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